I'm Not Your "Little Girl"
Want to smash the patriarchy? Then stop accepting it, white women.
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On Saturday, February 22, 2025, at a legislative town hall hosted by the Kootenai County Republican Central Committee in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, a constituent tried to exercise her right to free speech. All she wanted was to voice her concerns over the impending repeal of Medicaid expansion.
If you’ve been following the news, then you already know what happened next: Instead of being given the floor, this constituent, Dr. Teresa Borrenpohl, was violently dragged out of the town hall by three unidentified men. While everyone else in the room just sat back and watched. While the voice actor emceeing the town hall mocked her, calling Dr. Borrenpohl a “little girl” and saying that her “voice is meaningless.”
Although Dr. Borrenpohl was initially approached by Kootenai County Sheriff Bob Norris, who introduced himself and wore a badge on his belt, the three men who physically assaulted her were not part of the Sheriff’s department. These not-cops refused to identify themselves, didn’t wear badges, and didn’t wear uniforms or anything that established them as security. Turns out they were part of a private security firm, Lear Asset Management, which since had its business license revoked for violating Coeur d’Alene City ordinances regarding security agencies and agents.
What happened to Dr. Borrenpohl last week has triggered something really intense in me — and in a lot of other women. We are FED up with older white men treating us like we're not worthy of basic rights and decency. I’ve felt this way ever since my boomer, white, male narcissistic boss started emotionally abusing me at Rolling Stone. But I need to put that in perspective: I worked at RS from 2007-2014, and I was shocked to the core when I realized how much my boss was getting away with — and that he would never be held accountable for his actions. Here’s the kicker: I was well into my 30s when it hit me that I was being treated this way because I was female. This meant I had spent the first third of my life in the white woman privilege bubble.
Still, learning that toxic men — and offices full of enablers — existed was a helluva rude awakening. Anytime I complained about my boss, I felt no one was listening to me. I was treated like I was hysterical.
But I wasn't hysterical. This insidious behavior is an ongoing poison deeply embedded in our society. And now we’ve twice elected a man who embodies this misogynistic attitude to the highest office of the land.
For generations, men, specifically older white men, believed they had some unwritten authority over women. This is what happens when we allow patriarchy and white supremacy to rule our society. Men still feel emboldened to call grown women "little girls" because we’ve either dismissed it for too long, or older generations took it as a term of endearment.
Thanks SO much, John, Paul, George, and Ringo.
That’s right, the Beatles pulled this shit all the time in their songs, and would we call the Beatles misogynistic assholes? (Don’t answer that.) The worst offender is John Lennon's jangly, upbeat "Run for Your Life." Not only does Lennon refer to his love interest as a “little girl,” but he basically warns her he’ll commit homicide if she dates anyone else. Charming.
And chilling.
Other Beatles tunes that referred to the woman in question as a "little girl":
"I Feel Fine"
“Thank You, Girl”
“Twist and Shout” (a cover, but we’ll allow it)
Even one of the first songs Paul McCartney ever wrote was called “I Lost My Little Girl.” Sigh.
Over the past decade, I have been tirelessly telling my emotional abuse story. To this day, even post-#MeToo, I still feel some people view me as a hysterical woman who can't get over her “little-t” trauma. But I keep sharing my Rolling Stone story because it’s the perfect representation of the overarching patriarchy/white supremacy problem in this country.
To be fair, have I ever been zip-tied and dragged out of a public event by three men who didn't even identify themselves as security or police? No, I'm fortunate enough to say that that's never happened to me. But, the attitude showcased by Ed Bejarana (the town hall emcee who called Dr. Borrenpohl a "little girl"), the men who forced her out of the town hall, and everyone else who sat there refusing to help her? Yeah, those are some VERY familiar attitudes, not just to me but to many women watching that now-viral video.
There was an abhorrent moment when the not-cops, while restraining Dr. Borrenpohl, told her to “just cooperate and it will be 100 times better.” That is a microcosm for how many women feel in this country. We, as a nation, think it's acceptable to tell women to just "comply" with what the men in charge say, and then their lives will be so much easier.
When I was at Rolling Stone, that's the only kind of advice I was given whenever I would complain about my toxic boss. One male colleague told me to "give [my boss] his chew toy so he'll leave you alone." In this case, “chew toy” = “comply.” Flirt back with him, stroke his ego, let him get uncomfortably close to you, and everything will be fine. One female colleague told me repeatedly to "develop a thicker skin." My mistake was listening to either of them: They were both boomers and had been conditioned to think compliance was the secret to success.
I talk a lot about my Rolling Stone experience because it mirrors the incident in Idaho: An older, white man doing his damnedest to snuff out a woman’s voice because he was afraid that said woman would take away his power (which he only had in the first place because he was older, white, and male).
And everyone surrounding the person in need refusing to help.
That’s the part that upset me more than anything else — because that's what still hurts about my Rolling Stone experience. No one would help or support me. That attitude was encapsulated one night in the RS offices by a female coworker who was the sole witness to a major verbal altercation between me and my boss. When I approached her afterward, before I had even said a word, she smirked at me and announced, in a smug tone, “I’m not getting involved.”
You know what? Everyone in that Idaho town hall was that apathetic female coworker, and it’s damn enraging! (Dr. Borrenpohl did have at least one female friend there, who recorded video of the incident.)
I think this incident has triggered so many people because they’re starting to realize that the behavior exhibited by the men (Bejarana, the three not-cops, and Kootenai County Sheriff Bob Norris) at the Coeur d'Alene town hall continues to be acceptable. Perhaps that’s because we keep electing misogynistic, criminal men to our country's highest office. And I'm not just looking at white male voters here: White women carry the blame too.
Even though what happened to Dr. Borrenpohl was despicable, it’s important to remember that white women still do benefit from the patriarchy. Dr. Borrenpohl got the national headlines, while countless women of color who speak out are ignored and forgotten. (See also: Petito, Gabby) The bottom line is that the majority of white women in this country voted for Donald Trump, and their decisions at the ballot box have helped to perpetuate shameful incidents like the one in Idaho. And it seems to me that many white women aren’t so keen to give up the power bestowed upon them by the white supremacist men in charge.
Every day, millions of us wake up to a new fresh hell courtesy of the Trump-Musk administration. But for those who aren’t in a directly vulnerable group of people (immigrants, LGBTQ+, chronically ill, the elderly, people of color, etc.), life appears to be business as usual.
(I also should mention the millions of federal workers who DO want to speak out but can’t due to the Hatch Act. My thanks to my federal worker friend who gently reminded me of that fact.)
But what about celebrities? Or just your average white woman with a wellness or parenting platform — whether it’s a podcast or just a strong social media following? What’s your excuse for not commenting on the crumbling of our democracy? Is it because you don’t want to lose your patriarchy benefits? FYI, I’m noticing that a suspicious number of white women who voted for Kamala Harris are keeping silent, too. Sounds like obeying in advance to me.
Look, I get that it’s super-easy for white women to just “not get involved.” Why should we? Our lives are pretty good, right? We’re not at risk of deportation, and our Dear Leader even said he would protect women — whether we like it or not.
So what would really happen if more of us started standing up for our fellow outspoken women? Or calling out pathetic male authority figures? Are you that afraid of what the neighbors would think? This shouldn’t be a hard decision to make, because it’s between right and wrong.
There’s no question that white women benefit from the patriarchy. My question is, is living in this dumpster fire worth those benefits? I certainly don't think so. If you agree with me, then we have to stop accepting the idea of men as intimidating authority figures and push back wherever and whenever we can.
Because we’re nobody’s “little girl.”
If you’re interested in hearing my full Rolling Stone story, I shared it here and here on my now-shuttered podcast, “Emotional Abuse Is Real,” and recently on the
podcast:
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Thank you so much for this piece Sarene. Your story at RS is remarkably similar to what I experienced working at MCA/Universal records as an assistant to two A&R guys when I was in my 20's. The saddest part in recalling the abuse there was that I thought it was just totally normal. That's how much I had internalized the misogyny. One of my bosses befriended my roommate and tried to have phone sex with her. He also regularly consumed porn on business trips that I had to create expense reports for. One time a friend of mine visited me at the office and my boss later said "If you get me a date with her, I'll make sure you get a raise and promotion." So many women across so many fields have stories like this. I'm not a confrontational person by nature and I'm quite introverted - but even I can't let myself stay quiet anymore in the face of all the harm and suffering we're seeing and will continue to see. Time to get LOUD!
It was obviously not intended for you. But it was intended for someone.