You Can't Fix Stupid
But you can prevent misinformation from running rampant.
Hello friends!
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It’s hardly breaking news to say that misinformation runs rampant on Facebook.
This is one of the many reasons why I stopped using the platform in the first place. But, confession time: I’m a frequent lurker.
Let me rephrase that: I was a frequent lurker.
Over the past few months, I discovered a new favorite pastime: Watching (usually MAGA, but not always) users spread misinformation, as well as friends and ex-friends accept this misinformation as fact.
As many of you probably noticed, I’ve taken to writing about these infuriating posts on Substack.
But I realized this week that my lurking behavior is negatively affecting my mental health. So I stopped poking my nose around Facebook, and already I feel a huge weight off my shoulders.
I also remembered that the “block” function on most social media platforms is a God-send.
That all being said, I did want to share one last “cautionary tale” that I came across several days ago. My Substack, at its core, is about effective communication, and this particular Facebook post is a quintessential example of ineffective communication.
When we allow our loved ones to spread misinformation without impunity, we are just as guilty of wrongdoing.
I freely admit that I’ve been writing about a particular ex-friend way too much here on Substack, and today’s post is no different. However, I don’t want to write about her anymore, because it’s not healthy. She meant a lot to me, though, which is why I need to talk about her one last time. So I’d like to think of this post as a farewell, if not an obituary, to our friendship.
While there are plenty of non-political reasons why I had to end our relationship, this person’s behavior since Donald Trump’s inauguration has been slowly grating on me. Yes, she voted for Kamala Harris, but she lives in a red state, in a red community, and has several MAGA family members/loved ones. While I actually agree with a lot of her viewpoints, my concern — and my decision to pull away — stems from her unwillingness to call out the evil that’s staring this country in the face.
But it was her refusal to push back on misinformation that convinced me to block her once and for all this week.
Shortly after Donald Trump idiotically bombed Iran on Saturday, June 21, this ex-friend wrote an anti-war post on Facebook. Once again, I agreed with her fundamental sentiment, which is that no country should use war or violence to achieve its goals. But, honestly, the post screamed Gal Gadot sings “Imagine.” There seemed to be zero acknowledgment or understanding of how the United States got here in the first place, which is that 77 million Americans voted Trump into office.
The words were kind, but they were empty.
They were also weak and uninformed. Check out what historian
had to say about the American government’s use of violence in her June 23rd Substack post:"Republican dominance politics began in the 1950s as a way to prevent the federal government from protecting Black and Brown civil rights. Since then, it has reinforced the idea of asserting power through violence. And it has always reinforced the power of white men over women and racial and gender minorities."
What sent me over the edge, however, was a comment made by my ex-friend’s MAGA father. A comment purporting to explain the Israel-Iran conflict using nothing but white Christian rhetoric — and demonstrating this man’s complete ignorance of Judaism, Islam, and the complex history of the Middle East.
The conflict between Israel and Iran has been going on since Abraham and Sarah decided to take matters into their own hands and put together their own plan instead of trusting God. Abraham slept with Hagar breathing life into the Arabic world. Sarah then conceived breathing life into the Jewish world. When Isaac was awarded all the inheritance from Abraham and Sarah instead of Ishmael who was the oldest, that’s when Ishmael started looking for Isaac to kill him. And the two nations have been at each other since. So it’s not something that is going to end. It’ll be going in until the end of time. I certainly don’t like all the violence and wars that are taking place but ultimately, that’s the way it’s going to be.
I was horrified when I read this, but even more so when I noticed that this ex-friend didn’t even try to correct her father. She just expressed relief that he agreed with her that we should make love, not war.
Fortunately, another person jumped in and at least attempted to school my ex-friend and her father, though I don’t think he made much of a dent. After first explaining that the nations of Israel and Iran didn’t even exist until the 20th century, he wrote the following:
“There wasn’t a ‘border’, just sovereign societies tied together by emperors and vaguely shared religious identities. Islam wasn’t a thing back then either, so how can two nonexistent countries (Iran and Israel) tied together by things that didn’t exist fight over issues they haven’t conceived of? They weren’t nations, and the forces he’s claiming spurred and perpetuated this conflict for millennia weren’t a thing; therefore, they haven’t been fighting since the time of Abraham and this conflict is being waged by entirely new sides, separated by endless empire dissolutions, nationalistic developments, international connections, and religious identities. This is a bad bad argument perpetuated to make this topic seem intractable and irresolvable.”
The ex-friend’s father, in true MAGA fashion, wrote, “We’ll just agree to disagree.”
My knee-jerk reaction to this entire post and the comments is one of incredulity. The level of stupidity from the ex-friend’s father and the level of naivete from my ex-friend are positively mind-boggling. But it also just goes to show how ignorant so many white Americans "raised in the church" are, because they have no clue about the history of the Jewish people, the Islamic people, or the nations of Iran and Israel.
Other people in this ex-friend’s sphere spewed equally reprehensible rhetoric in response to her post, making dumb claims like bombing Iran will “save lives.”
You can’t fix stupid, but you can at least try to provide facts. Unfortunately, this ex-friend is twisting herself into a pretzel trying to please everyone, and by doing so, she's allowing misinformation on her Facebook posts.
The bottom line is, the Facebook exchange between the ex-friend, her father, and the one person who tried to set them straight is a microcosm of what's wrong in this country. We're starting fights with other nations that average Americans don't even understand. That’s because these white, “Christian” churches do nothing to educate their parishioners about other cultures or religions.
When we first met, all of this ex-friend’s knowledge about Jewish people came from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.
These people are taught that their church is the only church, and that's all they need to know. And it’s not like our white Christian nationalist government is doing anything to fix that problem.
The fact that this ex-friend couldn't even correct her father on something incredibly basic, like, “Israel and Iran have only existed as countries since the 20th century, and their current conflict doesn’t stem from biblical times,” just goes to show how clueless we are as a nation.
It's sad because I’m witnessing how misinformation works in real time. In her desperation to please everyone in her life, this ex-friend wound up perpetuating misinformation. And I know it's not just her. Social media allows us to think we're all experts, when nothing could be further from the truth. This is why we need to listen to people who know what they're talking about — and not put unqualified people into elected office.
I'm no expert on religion, the history of the Middle East, Israel, Iran, or the current conflict. But what I can do is implore all of you to educate yourselves -- and PLEASE, for the love of whatever deity you believe in -- to push back when your "Christian" relatives start pulling “explanations” about other cultures out of their asses.
Here are a few great places to start:
breaks down the myth that Jews and Muslims have been fighting with one another for thousands of years:
This Conan video contains my favorite recap of Israel’s history (in approximately 60 seconds):
And here’s a timeline of the current Israel-Iran conflict, courtesy of the Associated Press. Psst! It dates back to 1967, not the days of Abraham and Sarah.
Donald Trump wants an uneducated populace because he knows he can get away with more lawless behavior if no one questions his decisions. If you notice that your loved one is perpetuating misinformation, it's your responsibility to call them out on it. (Smart people, assemble!) Or you can cut them off. To accept the nonsense they're spewing is to play directly into Trump's hands.
White Christians, especially the ones who want the United States to be the land of the free (white people) and the home of the brave (white people), have no business trying to explain a Jewish-Muslim conflict.
Writing about this ex-friend is part of my grieving process, because I am genuinely sad about losing her. But I can't make this work — because you can't fix stupid. As I've said numerous times in this Substack: I cannot be friends with people who continue to support their MAGA parents/loved ones. That is something that I do for my mental health. I understand that they can't just stop loving a family member, but it does break my heart to see friends continue to support parents who didn’t love them enough to vote for their best interests (or for their grandchildren’s best interests).
And because I agree with this Threads poster who said that anyone who still supports Donald Trump is in a cult.
Never before in American history has there been such an unequivocal devotion to a single leader, the way MAGAs pledge their loyalty to Donald Trump. Because, in true Christian patriarchy fashion, Trump is Daddy.
I will miss this ex-friend: We connected over our love of writing, over motherhood, and (ironically) our love of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. But like Hillary Whitney told CC Bloom in Beaches: "We've grown apart."
(Well, if I'm being honest, I'd much rather quote CC in that scene: "You've fallen apart!")
But, things change, and I know I’m not alone in these kinds of decisions: A Threads friend (a Thriend) recently shared with me that she had to cut off her MAGA sister.
I can't change people, and I can't fix stupid, but I can lower the temperature in my own life.
You have to do what’s best for you.
As always, I thank you for reading,
—Sarene
P.S. If you’re a regular reader of my work and wish to support my endeavors, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. Or, you can give a one-time donation by buying me a coffee.
P.P.S. Two new articles published this week!
Origin blog: Yes, You Can Wear a Menstrual Cup – Even With a Pelvic Floor Condition
HuffPost: These Parenting Styles Are Total Red Flags, According to Experts
I’ve narrowed my friends list down from hundreds to about 5, I know that sounds like an exaggeration, but a lot of my friends started disappearing during Covid and then the stragglers I let go of when they started finding over RFK Junior. The friends that I have now our friends that I’ve known for 20 years that didn’t get lost in the rabbit hole.